Bob Hoffman Video Productions is truly a book that shouldn’t be judged by its cover. At first glance, one may think that the off-white walls and small, slightly cluttered reception area slightly resembles an office building. A second glance however, tells a different story. On top of the scattered paperwork on the desk sits an equality sticker, and a basket full of bazooka bubble gum sits next to that. Towards the back of the room sits a bronze colored award for a film the company had made in the past. After looking at the award for a moment, you begin to notice that there are several stacks of business cards, one with the name “Tatiana R., Corporate Production Manager” printed on the front.
Stepping out from a small door opposite the receptionist’s desk walks a straight-faced woman. Her hair is pulled back into a tight brunette-colored bun. She is wearing a pair of black pants and a brightly colored collared shirt. Upon seeing a customer, her expression changes to a bright smile and she immediately sticks out her hand to greet you, starting with the words, “My name is Tatiana R., Corporate Production Manager, how may I help you today?”
Tatiana never intended on being a production manager. After being born and raised in Santa Cruz, Tatiana decided to keep close to home and go to school at UC Santa Cruz, where she studied to be a film editor. After graduating from UCSC, Tatiana decided to go test the waters, and went looking for an internship. After weeks of searching, she came across a film internship in New York, where she worked as a production manager’s assistant. After her internship, Tatiana decided it was time to really get into the field, so she left New York and headed west to sunny San Diego. She found Bob Hoffman Video and decided that it was time she tried her hand in producing. She has now been with the company for several years. She was also recently engaged.
Posts
I like the way that the paragrpahs flow and also how you decided to order them, also given a brief description on your mentors background was a good idea. in the en it seemed that it wasnt finished, is that how you intended or what?
ReplyDelete"Bob Hoffman Video Productions is truly a book that shouldn’t be judged by its cover. "
ReplyDelete- I think this is really creative, but perhaps find another place for this? When I read it, I thought you were actually talking about a book. Then I read something about walls which confused me for a second. Perhaps something like how the building looked on the outside? Something like, "Oh it's nothing special on the outside, but you shouldn't judge this book by it's cover."
"At first glance, one may think that the off-white walls and small, slightly cluttered reception area slightly resembles an office building. A second glance however, tells a different story."
- I think you used "glances" in sentences next to each other. I think you should use a different word for the beginning like, "When you first walk into the building, you may think it's an average office building with discolored walls and a cluttered receptionist desk." and then after you can say something like, "But if you happen to take a second glance, you will see a different story." or something like that, I don't know. Make it sound mysterious :'D
"On top of the scattered paperwork on the desk sits an equality sticker, and a basket full of bazooka bubble gum sits next to that. Towards the back of the room sits a bronze colored award for a film the company had made in the past. "
- A little boring. How did those items stand out out of everything? I think this is a good opportunity to tell a story about your mentor by the resources you find on her desk. Even so, this was a little vague (I understand the feel you're trying to get though) so make it a little more like, "Oh, this item stoke out. This items tells me that she likes equality and she likes to eat bubblegum."
"After looking at the award for a moment, you begin to notice that there are several stacks of business cards, one with the name “Tatiana Roven, Corporate Production Manager” printed on the front."
- Love love LOVE the use of the business card here. You described the desk and this fell into a perfect lining. I think this was a good way to introduce your mentor. Though, in the second paragraph, you sort of talked about the building as if she wasn't there and now you're talking about how she was there, you know? Perhaps talk about how she walked into the door just now so the person who matches the name on the business card has arrived.
"Upon seeing a customer, her expression changes to a bright smile and she immediately sticks out her hand to greet you, starting with the words, “My name is Tatiana Roven, Corporate Production Manager, how may I help you today?”"
ReplyDelete- Does this mean she's always frowning or something? You told us that had a straight face and then it turned into a smile when seeing a customer. Does this mean she's a little serious but she can handle clients warmly? To me, the impression I get is that she's a little like, "Ugg work.. oh, a customer, got to smile." Maybe that's just me.
"Tatiana never intended on being a production manager. After being born and raised in Santa Cruz, Tatiana decided to keep close to home and go to school at UC Santa Cruz, where she studied to be a film editor."
- I think there is a little too much information about staying home and yada ya. In the first sentence, you kind of have this strong sentence saying, "WELL she never really planned on being a production manager." I think a cool follow-up should also be something like, "As a matter of fact, she studied to be a film director back in her home town of Santa Cruz." or something. Just a suggestion.
I kind of like the story at the end about how she went about her life. One thing I think you should watch out for though is unnecessary information. I think her whole story should flow but I found it a little choppy like, "So she went there. And now because of this, she went there. Aaand she did this." Maybe use some transition words to make it just go from event to event and add a little about how she felt and why she changed her profession. Like, "Disappointed at the system, she went overseas to _____ and try her hand at being a ________ in ________ for the _________." Overall, I like the information and some of the language you used, I think it's very creative!